Hope…

She opened her eyes slowly, after what seemed like eons. As soon as her eyes were wide open there was a hustle-bustle in the room. There were doctors and nurses bringing artificial respirators, ECG machines and so many other unidentified instruments to her bed. They started checking her pulse, drawing blood and scribbling things on her Patient Information Card. She felt drained as if life was being sucked out of her every nanosecond, like a quicksand which was making her go deeper and deeper and she just didn’t know when she was going to come out… or if there was any escape. She felt dizzy and she blacked out… not knowing if she would wake up again…

Months ago, Daryl Thomas was at a bar, sitting with her girlfriends. She was she was wounded and drinking away into the night. “This won’t work out!” Ben had yelled, thrown the engagement ring on the rug and left and never called back. He saw him once at the Café Delite, their usual after-work meeting place, with another woman. They were laughing and holding hands. She felt murderous. She was furious that he had moved on, without giving her a reason. She stormed out, her tears blinding her. She couldn’t believe she was shedding tears on someone who didn’t care about her anymore. She slammed the door of her apartment and screamed aloud, “I love you, Ben!” But it fell on lifeless walls, and before she knew it, she was crying in self pity. Her best friend, Alicia who had heard her from the next apartment, made plans for a girls-night-out to Club Zero, the new lounge bar. Daryl was forced into her sexiest clothes, and literally dragged out of her apartment. And now she was sulking into the night and putting off rather persistent strangers making passes at her. She stood up to leave, her head was spinning and without any warning, she fell to the floor.

She woke up next morning with Alicia at her bedside, with a cup of tea and some scrambled eggs on toast. She remembered the previous night, and realized she had a headache. She felt nauseous and ran to the bathroom. Blood. She was horrified. She screamed.

They were at the doctor’s in half an hour. Alicia had called Daryl’s office and told them that she’d be taking the day off. There were many tests done. Dr Rudy Blaine had told her that it would be a minor thing. Not an issue to worry about. And that they could come the next day to collect her reports. Rudy was in his early thirties. Smart, tall, athletic and the most successful oncologist at his age, he and Daryl had grown up together, had had crushes on each other and she trusted him beyond words. If Rudy said it would be ok, then it would. He gave her a quick bear hug and told her to take good care of herself. Sometimes she felt guilty for having moved on, Rudy had never forgotten her…

She went back the next day to get her reports. Rudy called her in. He seemed disturbed. He was mumbling something like, “Impossible.” He saw her, gave her a half smile. She knew there was something terribly wrong. He told her to sit down. He drew in a deep breath. “I don’t know and I won’t believe it till all the other tests are true. Daryl honey, it will be scary but I am there to help you deal with it.” She felt a sudden pang of panic. “Sweetie, there are some traces of stomach cancer. It usually doesn’t happen to women your age, but there are traces. We want to examine you further and determine the stage of cancer before we diagnose anything. I am sure it will be ok.” She heard a definite break in his voice. And she also knew that for the first time, she couldn’t believe Rudy when he said that it would be ok. She apprehensively but bravely agreed to get all the tests done…

Three days later. Rudy’s house. Mrs. Blaine had called her home. She was making Daryl’s favourite macaroni with cheese, Italian grilled veggies and chocolate milkshake. After a sumptuous dinner and wonderful conversations, Rudy was dropping her off at her apartment. In the car, he seemed so silent and so not his usual self. She tried making conversation twice or thrice. His answers came in monosyllables…

Daryl felt the world come crashing down on her when she heard it. Rudy had said it would be ok. She was angry and she felt her face turning hot. “III stage of cancer… we don’t have much time… treatment starts tomorrow… get yourself admitted… I‘ll call Mr. and Mrs. Thomas… you just relax…” She wanted to scream,”HOW?” Instead she just hugged Rudy, and they cried. She sensed Rudy feeling helpless and questioning life, life which had given him everything, and now she was going away, never to return…

They went to church after that. And decided to pray. She just sat there looking into empty space about what there was left to do. And what she wanted to do. Rudy and she went back to her apartment and made arrangements to get her admitted into the hospital. At night they had take-away Chinese for dinner and watched their all-time favourite movie “The Lion King”. They kissed…

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas came in to her hospital room. She was looking worn out, she had black circles under her eyes and her hair was scanty.
Mrs. Thomas burst into tears when she saw her daughter, a fighter, so weak and frail. Daryl had always been a perfect daughter. Top grades, a brilliant swimmer, she had gone to Stanford on full scholarship. She was the pride of her family. A brilliant job, a great fiancé and a sparkling future was all Mrs. Thomas could see in her daughter’s life just a week back. She had thought Ben was wonderful, and was so disappointed it hadn’t worked out. When she heard the news that Rudy had told Mr. Thomas, she was shattered. She was shocked, her world had fallen apart. It took her a while to digest it.
Mr. Thomas kissed Daryl on her forehead and said,”Hey Tiger!” He looked at her and saw her struggling and wished beyond hope that she wouldn’t die. It was the first ever time he had thought it a possibility. Rudy said he was trying his best. He wished for himself to suffer instead of her. Daryl saw a pearly teardrop for the first ever time on her father’s face…

It had been a month since she was in the hospital. She was not getting better. Daryl started making a list of things she wanted to do before she…. died. It seemed such a likely prospect now. She was flipping through the pages of the magazine she was reading. She stopped at a page with an article titled “Faith Healing”. She read the article word by word. It spoke about how many diseases have been miraculously cured by faith. Daryl felt a new energy and a renewal within herself after reading the article. She thought all was not lost after all…

She was annoyed to see Rudy’s and her father’s reaction when she told them of this. They had just remained silent and were not at all excited to see a new light and a new ray of hope in her life. She couldn’t fathom this reaction and turned away from them and in her anguish told them to leave. Rudy protested and said he had something important to say. That her condition had worsened. The cancer had metastasized. It was in Stage IV. She was so convinced that she would be healed by this new concept of healing by faith, that she forced Rudy and her parents to check her out of the hospital. At a cancer patients’ session, the Thomases were counseled not to control their daughter. They were told that different people have different ways of dealing with the cancer. They were also told that their daughter needed help to come to terms with her illness and they had to talk to her about end-of-life issues. They never thought they would see this day. That night the Thomases got back to Daryl’s apartment and cried…

Meanwhile, Daryl was leading a normal life. She started going back to office and living a normal life despite the pleas of her parents and Rudy. She hadn’t partied all night, she hadn’t gone to Paris, Switzerland, India-her dream destinations, she hadn’t tried Icelandic cuisine, she hadn’t paraded around New York dressed as a hippie, she hadn’t worn a bikini, she hadn’t owned a diamond, and she hadn’t told Rudy that she had fallen in love with him. She had thought she had a whole lifetime for all that…

[Disclaimer: This idea was inspired by a popular TV series and this post is by no way a means to wean people away from faith healing. Faith is a wonderful thing. It gives you a reason to believe in something. But it always doesn’t work. And it is practical to believe in medicine.]